Overcoming Perfectionism and Not Punishing Yourself
I was running my long run yesterday. I had already delayed it from Saturday because I woke up with a headache and somehow, I woke up late yesterday. I got to the trail an hour and 45 minutes later than normal. A bit of a big deal in the summers here in Phoenix. The original plan was to run 17-20 miles and do around 3000 feet of climbing. Before I got to the White Tanks, I knew the climbing would need to be less. Not a huge deal, I know the park enough to plan a new route.
I had extra water ready to go and plenty of sunscreen. I took off and knew pretty quickly, I wasn't going to get 17-20. It was going to get way hot way fast...and it sure did. I told myself I would run for a max of 3 hours. Typically, my max is what I'm going to get because that's how I be. Just like that 17-20 was really 20 in my head. I was doing pretty well until around the 2 hour and 15 minute mark. I could tell my legs were starting to feel dead and my body was working super hard even when I slowed my speed. I made it to a water fountain and it somehow had cold water so I doused my hat, face, neck and shirt and kept going.
After about 5 minutes, I felt like my heart rate was way too high for my speed and I looked down and it was 189 (I'm normally in the 130s and 140s). At that point, I was about a mile and a half from my car and I knew it was time to call it. So any type of uphill, I hiked. The downhills, a slow jog. I got back to my car with 15 minutes until the 3 hour mark. I made it 15 miles with 1000 feet of climbing. And I was so excited to get in my cooler for my ice cold water that had Skratch in it (my favorite). All right, what's the point of this?
I realized many things the Old Brittany would have done on this run and prior to this run for missing out on Saturday. I would have done A LOT of negative self-talk and probably still would have made myself go out with a headache. On Sunday, the Old Brittany would have never set a time limit for myself. I would have said 20 miles and you gotta get it or you failed. I would have punished myself for the oatmeal cookie (thanks Greg) I ate on Friday night. Lots of things that most of you probably do not know about me. This is what perfectionism does to a person...nothing I did was ever good enough and constantly punishing myself.
But the Brittany of now didn't have ANY of those thoughts. I woke up Saturday and knew with a headache and the heat we have, the run would have been crap and my recovery would have also been crap. If I had pushed through 20 miles on Sunday, I would have also needed a lot more time to recover and it would have been dangerous. Instead, I felt grateful to be able to sleep in a bit on Saturday and spend time with the family. I felt grateful that I got to do an easy swim later in the day and a Peloton ride once the headache was gone. I felt grateful on Sunday that my body was heat acclimated enough to run 15 trail miles in 2 hours and 45 minutes. That's what we call growth folks!
I overcame perfectionism which is why I ALWAYS felt like I was failing before. Progress isn't always forward. Sometimes it's taking a step back.
I've been this Brittany for a bit but it never struck me before of how much I have changed. And I didn't change all at once. That's not sustainable (atomic habits, remember?). Small changes do lead to big results. Give yourself time. And eat that cookie!
Good effort. Positive attitude.
