The Hangover and the Space Between
After every big adventure, I always feel a bit of a hangover. Whether it’s thru-hiking on the AZT, running a 100k or doing some day hikes in a new place. But this last hangover seems to be lingering. R2R2R about a week and a half ago seems to have left me feeling unfocused and restless. I’m working my corporate job and I want to yell, “I WAS JUST IN THE GRAND CANYON FOR 16 HOURS!” And now I’m back in the ‘normal’ world.
I understand it is a true privilege to be able to have adventures and do the things I do. And I am super grateful for that. But there is this space between (queue Dave Matthews) where something feels off, something feels missing and I feel listless. The space between is the gap between adventures. I don’t quite feel comfortable in my own skin and I keep thinking about what else I could be doing instead of what it’s front of me.
Now, this isn’t about following your dreams…ugh. It’s not about dreaming big or working hard to reach your dreams. It’s not about discipline or determination. It’s not about doing whatever it takes. Let me tell you why. There are so many quotes about how you ‘should’ dream big and just do it. It’s not realistic. Most of us do not live in a space where we cannot quit our jobs, families, lives and follow the dream. I hate hearing just make some changes and you can do whatever. There are way too many factors for that to be true.
What can I do? I can be better about focusing on what I can control now. I can’t go adventure everyday or live off grid. My life isn’t there…yet. It’s filling that space between with intentional living to move the not yet to I’m getting there and I have arrived. It’s about not wasting time by multitasking or saying yes to things I definitely want to say no to. I can be excited about what I have done knowing it’s preparing me for even bigger things. It’s being grateful for everyday things. It’s working towards the life of not working a typically 9-5 anymore but also not being bored or bothered that I still am in that lifestyle. Again, continually telling myself that it’s ok I’m not there yet knowing I’m doing the right things to get myself there.
So what am I going to do to nip this hangover?
💛Be consistent with: bedtime, wake ups, workouts, nutrition
🧡Focus on the training process because without it, there’s no way I can keep doing these hard efforts
⛰When working my corporate job, only focus on that
💛When I find my mind drifting, take a few minutes to re-focus on what’s in front of me
🧡Express gratitude
⛰Plan my days so I am spending my time intentionally
💛Only say yes to things that are a ‘hell yes’
This last one deserves more than just a bullet point. It’s sitting with the emotions I feel. I’m extremely logical and know all the things I have mentioned already. But it’s the emotions that have me feeling fatigued and restless and wanting more right now. It’s about knowing I’m a bit sad about an adventure ending and that’s ok. It’s about being verbal with those around me about how I’m feeling and that I need a bit of time to get that normal Brittany energy back. And knowing that I can already start feeling excited about the adventures to come and not letting others shit on that (yes, I’ve had others try to suppress my excitement for more). For me, knowing there’s more makes me content with not being content.
After writing this, I was hoping I would figure out the point to all this. Well, I haven’t. I’m still a bit low and unfocused in this space between. I’m still itching for the next big thing. I’m still wanting more. And maybe that is the point, that all that is ok. Without struggle, there’s no progress (thank you, Frederick Douglass, for those words). Although Douglass’ struggle was so much more and different than mine, I love those words. He believed that progress starts with the desire for something of exceptional value, and the willingness to endure work, suffering, or sacrifice to get it. This is what we all must do because even though we may be in the ‘not yet’ phase, when we value a certain life or change, it is hard work, discipline and giving up things that go against the grain.
So it’s time to embrace the struggle and know struggle is necessary - purposeful, continuous, and strategic struggle. I’ll get there…we’ll get there.
Good effort. Positive attitude. 💛🧡⛰
