Finding a home and a community

I’m a trail runner. It’s a big part of who I am. I have not been racing much since the pandemic started in 2020. I should start with why I love trail running (in no particular order). I love the pure physicality of it. It requires focus to climb up and descend down especially when the trails are technical. Being able to focus has allowed me to be present in the moment and keeps the stressors out of my brain. We can’t focus on multiple things at once and be present. Although hard, trail running allows me to relax. The community is AMAZING! My first group trail run was in July 2018 and the run itself was great. But the people….my favorite! I met a lot of people that night (James, Kristina, Tim, Rebecca, Stefanie and many more). Everyone was welcoming and encouraging. So I went to the social after (that’s what trail runners do) and they started talking about races that were way more than I had ever heard about. And I went to a place of curiosity and started asking questions. The ones I now get to hear: how long does that take you, what do you eat, where do you go to the bathroom, how much does that cost, how do you train, etc. I became fast friends with James and Kristina and went on many trail runs with them at South Mountain (still where I found a home in Arizona) and everything escalated.

And now I realize I need to go back just a bit more. I moved to Arizona in 2015. I needed a life change. I was making choices I didn’t like and I wasn’t feeling like my authentic self at all. So I found a job and I packed up my little Honda Civic with my puppers and made the move. It is weird making friends as an adult. I was almost 30 at that time and I am friendly as many of you know. But it’s different when making a real connection to someone. I am a person who appreciates the deeper connection in friendships. There isn’t time for surface level. So I made a couple of friends quickly (Allyssa and Beth namely 😍). And to call out Allyssa, she’s the one who got me into long distance road running and we have run many, many miles together. She also required we take many jumping pics after runs and I still have not mastered that skill. But I still hadn’t found my place. I did question my decision to move. I could feel myself slipping back into bad habits (mainly drinking). I definitely wasn’t at my best or my happiest. I had accepted a job that was terrible so I took a new job and then another new job. I was restless. Then one day on Facebook I came across a group trail run at South Mountain. So I texted Allyssa and told her I was not only going to the run but going to the social afterwards (it is great to say something aloud to someone or even to yourself. It’s more likely you will act upon it). And this is where my trail running started (see first paragraph 😏). 

I ran my first trail race less than 8 weeks later at the White Tanks on the comp loop which was a 31k (2nd place female). I ran my second trail race (Mogollon Monster 35k) less than 3 weeks after my first one and I learned how to read an elevation profile after that one (2nd place female). I then paced someone in October at a 100 mile race where I ran 2 loops almost equaling 40 miles (my longest continuous run ever). I was in training for my first ultramarathon which was in the beginning of November at Pass Mountain (50k - 6th place female and where I learned what it feels like to blow up). I then ran an ultra in Jamil’s backyard (200 meter loops if I remember correctly) and that was a crazy, fun time). I kept on my training and had signed up for  a road marathon prior to jumping on the trails. I decided since I had signed up I would run it still even though roads weren’t my thing anymore. I am sure glad I did. It was a beautiful day and I was feeling strong and powerful. Not only was I physically in better shape but I was mentally/emotionally in a fantastic state which I think was the bigger factor. I finished 31 minutes faster than I had the prior year (3:24:04 and a Boston qualifier). But what I really was training for was my very first 100k - Black Canyon. So timeline - jumped on the trails in July 2018 and we are now in February 2019. That was an entirely new experience. Trail runs/races always include talking but on the roads (ask Allyssa), I was not a talker. But on the trails, we all chat and run and hike and laugh and have all the fun. We see the most gorgeous things…things I would never have seen had I not joined that group in 2018. That 100k changed a lot of things for me. That race was not completed by me alone. It involved many hours of trail time with friends, lifting, an amazing crew chief (Wayne), the pacer who helped me through a few tears at mile 50 (Kielly), friends who joined Wayne along the way at a couple of different aid stations, amazing volunteers (they always are no matter what race distance) and making new friends during the highs and lows you experience during that distance (or any distance that is new really). To have friends and strangers help you along the way is a very humbling experience. These are LONG days, not only for the runner but for all involved. So many people come together for these races to be successful. The race company (in this case Aravaipa) works hard for more than just a day or two to put this race on (one of their biggest). The volunteers could be out there from 8 hours to 24 hours if they desire. The crews and pacers are out there just for their runners. They make sure we get to the race on time, are eating, drinking, putting on sunscreen, give us changes of shoes or clothes if needed, cheer us on, keep us going when (not if) we start to cry (every time around 50 miles for me), push us when we puke or say we do not want to go on and are at that finish line when we get that buckle. Then they make sure we get home and check in the next day and normally more than that to make sure we are still alive 🙂

Why is knowing this important? Well, there’s not one answer but I will share why it’s important for me. Because I was terrified to try something new. I almost didn’t go to that trial run in July 2018 but I’m so glad I did. I was worried about what people would think of me, would they like me and how would I even run on a trail. However, forcing myself to have courage to go has been one of the best decisions I have made. I found my home and my community. I have found I am more capable than I thought I was. I found a new level of self-discipline. I grew confident. I found people who I felt I could be my authentic self with. I was able to learn to love myself and have more positive self-talk. I learned to set boundaries with people. So many things changed for me. Some of it took longer than others to learn and grow (and I will continue to learn and grow) but it all started with that one simple decision to jump on the trail. I’ve learned what it means to be a part of a community where I’m not masking myself at all. To be accepted where you’re at and have people who push forward with you…well, it’s simply amazing. Being able to push physical and mental limits both as an individual and a group is something else entirely too. I truly believe we all limit ourselves sometimes without even knowing it or purposefully doing it. Without trail running, I would not be where I’m at now. And to be clear, I’m not content where I’m at and I mean that in a positive way. I will never be content being stagnant. We can all continue to grow with self-discipline and with the help of others and that is exciting. We can always be better and there is nothing wrong with that. I am satisfied not being content because being content means we aren’t growing. So I’m content not being content 🤔). Also, there will be many more trail running blogs especially with how I was affected during the beginning stages of the pandemic and the women who stepped up for me. 

What does this mean for you? Well, it doesn’t mean you have to run a 100k or even jump on a trail (but if you want to try it, I will take you!). It means try something new. Try that thing you have been wanting to but have been too scared. There is nothing wrong with fear…fear is good. But overcoming that fear is even better. Ask yourself what is scaring you and then push through. Because that one ‘small’ thing can be life changing. That ‘small’ thing is BIG! Remember, atomic habits friends. Small changes, big results. Take a moment and think of what you have been keeping yourself from. Write it down. Sit with your fears. Overcome those fears. And take action! It’s time to be content with not being content. 

Good effort. Positive attitude.