Thoughts - Useful or Not
I was listening to the Maestro on the Mic podcast with Erica Webb (episode #476) recently and several things struck me but one thing in particular stuck out. This thing was regarding our thoughts. We have them constantly throughout the day, there’s no stopping that. But what do we do with our thoughts? Do we focus on the positive thoughts? Or do we dwell on the negative? Do we sit with our thoughts? Or do we react to those thoughts without pausing? Let’s dive in.
For most of my life, I honed in on negative thoughts. Either I would get down about not being enough or I would work so hard to be perfect and a people-pleaser to combat those negative thoughts. It’s not that I never accepted the positive thoughts. But normally the positive things I believed about myself came from what others said to me. Because if other people see the good stuff in me, it must be trust, right? WRONG! To be blunt, it doesn’t really matter what other people think. Sure we get that dopamine spike that makes us feel good momentarily. But if we do not truly believe the positive, good stuff about ourselves, those moments are fleeting.
So why did I and many other people focus on the negative? Well, to give ourselves a little grace, there are reasons that date to waaaaayyyyy back in the day. Per my research on Google 😆, Our brains have been hardwired through evolution to focus on the negative. Traced back to prehistoric days, primitive man had to be able to register threats to avoid danger and increase survival rates. Individuals who were more attuned to danger (negative stimuli) stayed alive longer and passed on their genes. So there it is. Actually, there are other reasons for negative thoughts: our programming from the time we were born, the people we surround ourselves with and events in our lives that had big or small impacts on us. But the root of it does start with survival and has grown from there.
Let’s get back to the task at hand. Is there a way to change our thoughts from negative to positive? Or is there a way to combat the negative thoughts? Is there anything wrong with me because I have negative thoughts? To the last question, that’s a big hell no. What can we do then since our ancestors were assholes and passed this on? This is where the podcast and Erica Webb (@ericawebb_selfkind) helped out!
How about we think of our thoughts as neither positive or negative? Or good or bad? What does that even mean? Let’s think of them as useful or not useful. Wait, what does that even mean? Let’s take one thought. First, we need to give space for that thought and name it. Here’s one of my thoughts for an example: “I did not train well enough, I’m not as confident as I think I am and I’m not strong enough to finish my race (the last 2 blogs if you want to take a look).” Here I was seeing not finishing the race as only bad and filtering out all of the positives. There was no grey area. I had to sit with this thought and similar ones. Then I had to give it a name. There are many names for negative thoughts if you want to do some research but I like to give those thoughts the space and name them myself. This one is Frank…no, not really. For me, this thought was one that showed I was still trying to be a perfectionist, that if I didn’t finish it meant the training, all the time put in and my body and brain weren’t good enough. And I sat with this knowing quickly and ultimately, those thoughts could become harmful to me.
Wait, wait, wait…didn’t you say we were going to think of thoughts as useful or not useful? Sure did! Still taking my thought on basically not being good enough to finish a race still. I had to accept this as the truth or not. So I didn’t finish the race, so it must be true? It’s not that easy. I talk about this often but we can do the right things and make the right choices based on our values and we still will not always get the results we want. That’s a big reason it’s so important to know and live our values. And once we know those values, we can hone in on our process knowing we are doing the right things and also knowing we won’t always get what we want. There are many uncontrollable factors out there (and controllable ones we don’t always focus on controlling). Focus on effort, not outcome.
Ok, so far we have given space for the thought, named it and accepted it as not being true (first 3 steps). Note: thoughts can be true or false, this one just happens to be false. I’ve already identified my values in the past but the values I have here are being my authentic self and having an active, healthy lifestyle that brings me joy (long distance trail running). Now, I decide if this thought is useful or not. We are leaving the positive and negative thought world and entering the useful or not universe. Only you can decide if the thought is useful or not. Someone could be having the same thought and one person finds it useful and another doesn’t. It depends on our values and where we are at in life.
For me, this thought was not useful. It doesn’t support me and my values. It took away from the process leading up to the race. The process of running, mobility and strength, my food and drink decisions, time away from family to train and on and on. I LOVE the process of training which doesn’t only include the physical movement but all the things I did and did not do to get me to the race start line. The process builds my endurance and strength but it also builds my confidence and gives me the space and time I need to be a better human outside of training. So I had the thoughts, I gave it space, named it, accepted it as not being true and labeled it as not useful and let that shit go.
Will this work every single time? Probably not. And that’s ok! We are human! It’s something to keep in mind. If we can consistently put this into practice, it will become more normal to think of thoughts as useful or not. It’s not a one and done. It is continuous. I still start out with thinking if a thought is negative or positive and then I go through my process and filter down to useful vs. not useful. Does this take a minute? 5 minutes? An hour? There’s no time limit. Too many factors come into play to put a time on this. Sometimes I have to write a thought down because I’m not in the space to deal with it and I have to come back to it. However, I will encourage you to not let these types of thoughts go. Not dealing can cause serious hurt to yourself and those around you: depression, stress, anxiety, anger, resentment, perfectionism, jealousy and the list goes on.
Repeating this one more time for those in the back:
Have a thought
Give space for the thought
Name it
Accept it as truth or not
See how it aligns (or doesn’t) to your values
Figure out if the thought is useful or not
Not useful meaning it doesn’t support you and your values - let that shit go
Useful - take that thought as an opportunity and learn and grow from it.
Good effort. Positive attitude 💜⛰️
I am grateful for each person who supports me! I hope you learn something new or are at least entertained. For daily Brittany-based pointers and fun, follow along on Instagram or Facebook. If you want to chat, have questions or have thoughts for me, click here or send a carrier pigeon, whatever works best for you!
